Christmas On Channel 9

(Ode to Hans Gruber)

Tune: Winter Wonderland For Mike Bolado

Mister cow boy are you listening
while your undershirt’s a glistening
I’m here to abscond with some bearer bonds
John McClane you wouldn’t understand

Theo cut all of the phone lines
Argyle’s safe though he needs more lines
He’s stuck unaware with a big teddy bear
John McClane you wouldn’t understand

When you first arrived you made an unforced error
by taking off both your socks and shoes
Your wife is nice but you should treat her fairer
after all they offered you some booze

I left the rug all kinda soggy
with what remains of Mister Akagi
He’ll show you no strife for the rest of his life
(alt: Though that makes me a choad, I’ll still get the code)
John McClane you couldn’t understand

I’ve just slain your coke head homie
on the thirtieth floor of Nakatomi
The roof’s wired to blow everyone that you know
John McClane you couldn’t understand

When the cops get here they’ll play at “law man”
We’ll shoot their lights out and their kneecaps too
They can drive their RV up here – some plan!
RPGs will turn them into goo

At the last, I’ll conspire,
your honey Holly to expire
your gun’s thrown away, it’s now Christmas Day
John McClane you wouldn’t understand

John McClane you wouldn’t understand
John McClane you’ll never understand